Tercipta Untukku

Dear diary,
The day that i die, pls forward this song to my hubby...

Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku
Banyak kata Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku

Sepanjang hidupku
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau

Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku

Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu

Dear diary,
My body becomes quite smelly lately. I've tried all kinds of soap, lulur etc.
I sweat a lot. Been avoiding onions etc but the body odour lingers.
I know my hubby noticed it as he has sharp nose. I'm just lucky he didn't point it out.

supposed to blame myself?

Dear diary,
Till today, things hasn't been so great between me n my hubby. It's quite difficult to talk to a person who has a set mind that i'm difficult to be with..huh! can u understand what i'm trying to say here? well, me too..
we hardly talk like we used to...it's usually silence in the car..kinda like old couple..
when we talk, sooner or later there is always a fight, conflict of interest occurs.
so, i assumed it's best to keep my mouth shut than to talk but end up in a fight.
i hate myself for being in this situation again n again n again n again..if not with him, it will be with others. i know it must be me.it must be my attitude. it must be something wrong in me. i admit it. i tried to change ..little by little. but somehow it's not enough for me to be friendly with people around me.i dunno what else to do. maybe my aura around me is totally cleaned,no more aura around me that people can't stand to be with me for long.
it makes me hate myself ..

Communication starting to break-down

Dear diary,
Lately, my hubby and I don't talk that much to each other.We're both busy with work and Qistina. We barely look at each other's face now . If not for the baby , we don't communicate or discuss other things.
Very very frustrating..i'm afraid that this will turn bad and i don't want it to happen to us. I love him..every minute of the day..
Maybe this is the phase that all married couple goes thru.But it's how they managed this phase
is important. I want to be an approachable person, a loving wife, a good friend to him in particular..I want to change my attitude and I'm willing to sacrifice and change anything just for him..JUST FOR MY HUBBY!!

Qistina....my cute baby-her story

Dear diary,
my baby Qistina is now 2 month-1-week. how fast time flies..i still remembered her as this small bundle whom i hold in my arms in the hospital. now, she's becoming chubbier and rounder and plump(er) than before. Her cheeks are reddish when she's hungry for milk..her eyes lit up when she sees me picking her up at the babysitter's house..
oh yes, now i have to send her to a babysitter after i started to work at this new place.oh, didn't i tell you how i got this new job at this megan avenue II? well, it's a pretty long story,but to cut it short i started working in this new place after i finished my confinement...
kinda hurry to accept this job offer as i know that my household income is still small but our family needs are getting bigger..
back to my baby, I feel bad have to send her to babysitter house.the first day she was there, i heard her cry.but i have no choice, i gotta be strong and send her there. my heart is pulling me to get her back and stay home with her ..i miss her terribly on the first day i separated from her.now, i'm getting used to it and i believe she's also getting used to stay at the makcik's house.
Qistina have this routine of getting colic every night. kinda make me worry but the doctors keep telling me that it's normal .but the very fact she's suffering of it every night is tugging me that there must be something that i could do to help her. I read in babycenter.com that this condition will pass after she's getting into her 3 months..oh, i hope so..i hope everything would be normal and this thing will pass..
yesterday, she had a very bad colic..non-stop crying for more than 2-3 hours..i'm worried, diary..i helped her in everything i can but still she wouldn't stop crying.kinda frustrating. i feel like i'm not cut out to be good mother,like i'm not well-preapred to be a helping mom to her child,like how i'm imagining how i'm supposed to be..i'm so dissapointed in myself and i guess my hubby is also dissapointed in me for not being able to control my emotion and myself last night. he was at his office to do some work and i really hate to have call him back, but i have to..i really have no choice...in the end Qistina slept at around 3am.that is a bit weird for her to sleep that late..there must be something really wrong or she wouldn't sleep that late.her stomach bloated .i hope that she will be okay today and will see if she's having the same thing today...
oh God, please dun make my fear becomes something bad to her.

omedetoo

Dear diary,
i have to "congratulate" myself for successfully making my husband gettin sick of my attitude. great...sigh...the only person that I cared about in this world has now turned his back on me..now, i just hate myself more than ever before.
this is not what i want in my life.i dun need anymore controversy or people hating me at this moment. i just need more people loving me at this moment.

Being Pregnant

Dear diary,
I had 2 days MC for not being able to walk properly these past few days. My lower abdomen was in pain. I think the reason being that I had exhaust myself doing chores and attending to my auntie's need who came stayed my house. Whew..it was painful

Sickly words can wound a heart

Dear diary,
I have always had a problem with one of my sisters. She likes to pick on every fault i make and make it a big deal by telling the whole world about it. To make a matter worse, she will tell all the other sisters of all the bad things and make it everything all right for her to say it without feeling any guilt. She never cares how I feel..i'm not the little sister that she used to bully..hell, I'm married and pregnant with my 1st child.I'm grown up, for heaven's sake!!
recently, she made a big deal of how irresponsible i've been by not keeping back the stuff that i borrowed from the other sister. and she included on how i should treat my other sister for dinner for helping me, be nice to her more...c'mon man..was she there when i brought food to the other sister? was she there when i helped clean dad's room that she complained i never helped? was she there when i treat the others to breakfast the other day? she was never there but making sucha f****** deal out of it that i didn't contribute anything to the family.
i just had enough of her..no more..before this i tried to forget the hurtful things that she said or do..but not anymore..
i refused to see her that often after this. maybe it's about time i see seldom of her after this...
i refused to let her hurt my feelings anymore.

My boring weekend

Dear diary,
My hubby went back to Kedah, his hometown, for his cousin's wedding. So, gotta park myself at my dad's place. Kinda boring coz nothing much to do at home. My hubby was buzy there helping the groom's place get ready for the reception while i was stuck at home with nothing much to do.
Except for the breakfast time, my sis + dad and I went to CoffeeBean to have our breakfast there. I paid for the bills that amounted to RM40.22...pheww...quite expensive for a breakfast.but never mind lah, once in a while...after all these times it has always been my dad who forked out the money.now, it's time i pay hime back in the form of breakfast meal.

The Staff Meeting

Dear diary,
I'm bored with this work place already. This morning the boss wanted to have a staff meeting, talk about office,work , tardiness , where is the future heading us..bla..bla..
but the thing is his blabbering is veryyy irritating,something like an old woman or old bat. Not that pleasant to listen to...sigh...

Nikkala and Ikea

Dear diary,
Last Saturday, we went to Ikea to survey for a sofa. In the end, we bought a few things to beautify our house. First, a beauuuutiful and redly sofa (Nikkala) , second is a TV wall-stand..cool..something like in a hotel or err...hospital..
any my hubby installed it all plus another shelf that he put at the living room..and later at night he asked me a trick question.."honey, do u think our house look nice?".
i knew it's a trick question just to know if i'm happy with what he has done in the living room..
of course i put a serious face "oh it's nice honey...very nice indeed" with a sweet smile.. :) though i feel the shelf is a bit disoriented or displace..

It's not my problem but somehow I care

Dear diary,
My officemate is having some marital problem with her husband who is having an affair with a divorcee. The divorcee recently was in the frontpage of Malaysia and Australia newspaper for being acquitted from drug trafficking in Australia. She has two children from her previous marriage and was working as part-time car saleswoman when she was caught at airport for trafficking more than 5kg of drug. He claimed that he has none whatsoever involvement with that women. But i doubt that based on the story that he sent the woman back home to her sister and helped her settle down with her belongings...goshh...man can be such a liar and still denying things...i pity my officemate.but i also believe that it takes some women to swallow all the hardest things in life and marriage and not some ordinary woman. it takes patience and courage to go through all the hurdles of these trial times..in a way i do admire her but what don't suit me is her willingness to just let go of the husband infidelity...

You and I Both..

Dear diary,
it has been so long i've been looking for this song by Jason Mraz and its lyric.Now, i found it, i just got to paste it here and start to memorize the beautiful rhythm..Here they are...


Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me

Oh, things are gonna happen naturally

Oh, and taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side

And balancing the whole thing

Oh, But it often times those words get tangled up in lines

And the bright light turns to night

Oh, Until the dawn it brings

A little bird to sing about the magic that was you and me



Cause you and I both loved

What you and I spoke of

And others just read of, others only read a of the love

Oh, the love that I love



See I'm all about them words

Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words

Hundreds of pages, pages, pages, for words

More words then I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Cause you and I both loved

What you and I spoke of

And others just read of and if you could see me now

Oh, love love, you and I, you and I,not so little you and I anymore,

UmmAnd with this silence brings a moral story



Cause you and I both loved

What you and I spoke of

And others just read of and if you could see me now

Well that I'm almost finally out of

I'm finally out ofFinally-dee-deedle le dee dee

Well I'm almost finally, finallyWell I am free,

Oh, I'm freeAnd it's okay if you had to go away

Oh, just remember the telephone well their workin it both ways

But if I never ever hear them ring

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside

Have finally found you someone else and that's okay

Cause I'll remember everything you sang<



Cause you and I both loved

What you and I spoke of

And others just read of and if you could see me now

Well that I'm almost finally out ofI'm finally out of,

Finally-dee-deedle le dee dee

Well I'm almost finally, finallyOut of words

What Mom is Doing...

Dear diary,
Today i would like to jot down my day for my baby to read.
I was so busy updating my business's website at CountrysideToYou
This website is long overdue before i was admitted to hospital so i guess it's about time i finish this half done thing. Though lazy but i forced myself to update eveything.
so, by now, if you must know i have finished 1 module which is the catalogue. but the rest of it..err..tomorrow,yep sure tomorrow i will definitely finish...

A Mom's blog

Dear diary,
my hubby suggested yesterday that i start to write in a blog about how i feel being pregnant.Perhaps it's for our future baby to read it when he/she has grown up. I figured it out that it is a splendid idea to tell about my feelings, excitement, fear,new things that i learned bla..blaa..
Well, I'm into 15 weeks of pregnancy. My friend suggested that i subscribe to the babycenter website to get a clearer view of what's happening inside my tummy. So here's what the website has to say about my biological changes. Kinda exciting to know all these stuff..


Dear mommy to be,
How your baby's growing: At around 4 inches long, crown to rump, your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 ounces. He's busy inhaling and exhaling amniotic fluid, which will help develop the air sacs in his lungs. His legs are growing longer than his arms now, and he can move all his joints and limbs. That means his hands are more functional, too. Sweat glands are appearing, and although his eyelids are fused shut, he can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, he's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but his taste buds are beginning to form. And if you have an ultrasound, you may be able to find out whether your baby's a boy or girl! (Don't be disappointed if it remains a mystery, though. Nailing down the gender depends somewhat on how clear the picture is and the position of your baby during the ultrasound; he may be curled or turned in such a way as to keep you in suspense.)

I'm having a jolly good time...at least for now..hehe..

can i backdated my entry?

Dear diary,
i have been neglecting you quite long while i was in custody of mr boredom (the time when i was jobless), mr confused (the time when i had some identity crisis..hahaha) and mr wanna-do-it-all(the time when i was so excited of opening my own shop).
so, the time has come now when i can sit back and relax.pregnancy time requires me to relax and stretch a lot.well, back to my intention in da first place,i want to put my sweetest memories of my wedding day in this blog. It was last year event so that was the reason why i asked 'can i backdated my entry?' so here are da details of d-day...

Date : 20th & 21st August 2006
Venue : Taman Permata, Kuala Lumpur

Petty Things That Ruin A Marriage

I find this article entertaining, true in some way and certainly has taught me something...
Taken from http://www.ehomemakers.net. Credit goes to Jagjeet Singh.


I recall a wedding dinner I attended a decade and a half ago. It was a solemn church wedding and at the reception, the guest-of-honour, a distinguished-looking senior citizen, gave a brilliant speech. The following concluding words of advice he gave the starry-eyed couple still linger in my mind, “Do not live in the past. Live in the present and look forward to the future. Look upon the past courting days as a foundation of your love and life and a springboard for your future years and, I daresay, your marriage will be sound. Do not find reasons to pick on each other. Let your love grow.”

To the young newly-weds, it may have seemed that some parts of his speech was uncalled for as it was apparent they were so much in love and nothing would come between them. Picking faults? But there were none! At that stage, they loved each other so much and everything was perfect about both of them. They were a perfect couple.

The home is empty when one partner is away performing his or her duties outside the home. Yes, you long for your spouse’s presence. Everything is blissful as the journey of discovery begins.

But, ask most couples who have had many years of marital life and they will caution you that, if you are not careful, slowly the romance in a marriage is overshadowed by petty little things about the partner that begin to irritate you. Slowly and surely, there is a tendency to get too familiar and take things for granted and consider these petty things seriously. Eventually, the initial sparks in the marriage die out and you begin to find faults. Things that did not matter to you before slowly begin to matter. Things that never annoyed you about your partner before now annoy you. In short, petty things irritate you and you make mountains out of mole-hills.

I know a husband who after one score years of married life finally confessed to us at a little private party at his home how irritated he was with his wife’s bad habit of leaving the bathroom wet and in a poor state! We often hear of wives complaining endlessly about how messy and wet the bathroom is after the man of the house has used it, but to my horror, he spoke, “I just cannot stand this habit of hers. The bathroom is never dry; the sink is wet and likewise the mirror. I never like a wet bathroom.”

And, his wife seated in our midst instantly protested vehemently, “You know – this is the extreme. None of you could live with my husband. You know, he goes round using a broom and a dustbin several times during the day and night, picking up all my hair that has fallen off from my head. He literally bends down and with a wet tissue collects all the hair that has dropped off after a shower. He just cannot stand a strand of hair on the floor – be it the bathroom or the kitchen, bedroom or any part of the house. You tell me, how incredible this is but it is true. It is a torture, an agony, living with him. But we have lived happily because we have both tried to change – I have become much neater – now I go round with a dustpan and a broom collecting my fallen hair several times during the day; and he closes both eyes. That is to say, he has grown to be less fussy about such extreme cleanliness.”

The couple is still happily married and the man is still unable to tolerate his wife’s poor bathroom habits! “But my life will be much happier ... if my wife changes. I will be more romantic then for I will look less edgy!” the husband uttered softly, as his wife smiled. “I can’t really change. You should have noticed this at the very beginning!” she remarks teasingly.

However, the marriage endures. The couple has learnt the magical art of compromise in their marriage. Aware of each other’s small faults, they have learnt to accept them and look beyond them. Instead they now savour the unique and enduring qualities that attracted them to each other in the first place. Isn’t that what marriage is partly about?

recap of my ordeal

Dear diary,
just to recap a very important thing in my life lately..
i had an operation to remove my ovarian cyst.the cyst was quite big around 1.2 kg.
i had a shock and couldnt believe my ears when the doctor suggested for me to have the operation asap.the checkup was supposed to be a checkup on my pregnancy but other thing came up.
saddened by the news and afraid of the outcome,thankfully my dad,family and especially my hubby gave me support to go through the ordeal.Alhamduliilah, everything went well..
the operation was on 21/2/2006 and doctor gave me medical leave for 1 month...
thanks doc for the grrrreat job...

frustration...jobless...feel unwanted and useless

Dear diary,
i'm not going to my shop today.this morning i called my x-colleague asking his favor to offer me a job. I'm jobless...again...can u believe that? I was hoping that i could get a good recommendation from him since he's the sales director there.maybe i could learn a thing or two about telecommunication.A totally new industry for me although related to IT.

That is why i'm right in front of my pc to do some research about this company and it's new technology. Something about NGN (New Generation NEtworks)...what the hell is that? I'm not too sure either, that's why i'm reading on the white paper and network infrastructure....but damn it, so hard to get any info..i guess it's becoz the tech is still new and not much discoveries been made, especially in Malaysia.

cross fingers..hope everything turn out so well, that he offered me job right away.isnt that wonderful if it truly happened?i guess it's only in my mind or fantasy world...guess i have to work harder and do more research so i dont err...errr while talking to him later.

stomach ache

Dear diary,
Happy New Year!!
I'm supposed to be in my shop right now...but i have a bad stomachache, and i don't have the mood to go today...