Thursday, December 22, 2005

light at the end of the tunnel

Dear diary,
a lot have changed since i last wrote here. among the most important things are :- i got married, i resigned from my sucking new job, i have opened my own business...
first and foremost, i got married to a great and wonderful guy. He's the most kind-hearted and selfless guy i have ever known. how i come to this decision? well, i guess it's more of 'jodoh' from God that he is my Mr.Right. To make it short, i fall in love with him eventually when everything in this world brings me back to him...no matter how hard i tried to deny my feelings towards him or how far i tried to distance myself from him, it always didn't work...something will always came up that made me needed him more than ever before.

now, about the sucking new job i was telling u...well, it sucks..i can't stand the hypocrite and ill-thinking of the people there.they were willing to go all the way to sack their employees and i'm not just saying that, as my immediate supervisor cum the director also resigned from the company. i think it's because he cannot stand the management there too. so, iwasn't the only one who suffered there.anyway, it's all in the past and i choose not to remember those bad things they did. i choose to put all those bad memories behind. i choose to forgive and forget. i choose to put my health and happiness above the rest.

people say and believe ,'there's always light at the end of the tunnel'...and i believe that too. iafter much thought and research , i find that opening a flower shop or become a florist really touches some instinct deep inside me that i can explore this field and widen the conventional approach. the new shop is about 1.5 km from the apartment i'm staying now with my husband. Convenient and practical. I'm optimist that this venture will work,maybe not now but soon it's going to flourish..just need some patience and determination to survive the obstacles in this early stage.

ok, i guess that's a wrap for tonite..i will write again...soon.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Communication problem

Dear diary,
this week has been one of the worst week in my entire life. i screwed up my relationship with my sis and my new boss called me up.Let me start with what happened with my sis. She called me up to ask on my hantaran list.but again, me being the b*****d ended up yelling back at her telling that i have wrote everything down.i regret it...really i am..i just dunno what got into me that i blew up. so, i called her back and apologize.but i know the damage is done. she is hurt and all she wanted to do was helping me with my wedding.
Then with my boss,I was called up to meet him in meeting room and was warned for a lot of reasons.i was late for a meeting, i didn't communicate well with my colleague,i didn't reply mails bla..bla...
But it all comes back to one main problem :Communication.
I do have communication problem.with every one...shit...how i hate myself right now..

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

hey..i have somebody reading my blog...at last...

dear diary,
shhh...somebody might be reading this after i post this entry...but hey..by all means..if somebody stumbled on this blog, do drop a line or two.it motivates me to write and rambles more in here. tq in advance..
oh yeah..today, my friend emailed me this link http://www.colorgenics.com/sps/.
Cool stuff..i would say it's 98% accurate.Here is my result for today (almost to what i feel this morning when i woke up )

"Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout 'stop' and experience a little peace and calm - even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world - it just means that you are seeking some respite, some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict.
At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.
At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.
You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.
You need to be needed and would like a situation where you will no longer be subjected to pressures and demands from those about you. There is no harm in 'dreaming' but it is you - and only you - that can be able to realize those dreams and to turn them into reality."

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

i'm being watched..

Dear diary,
being a new apprentice can be tiresome, cumbersome and other some..some stuff.
all actions are being scrutinized and criticized. recently, this busybody colleague of mine approached me and tried telling me "for my best interest" that i should stop chatting on YM.
yeah right...here i am working my ass to finish all the tenders and assignments given, and having a liiiittle bit of chat break with my ol' friends... and she complained. that big mouth of hers...erghhh..i hate that big mouth..
as for her, i noticed since the "big jerk" boss quit his job about a week ago, she becomes sooo relaxed and i dun see her do a single thing..i doubt she's doing any job especially her place is hidden from people walking.trying to act busy but nothing..trying to be an angel in the office la tu..give advice here, critic there, this is good, this is bad..
Moral of the story today:- before u comment on others, pls... take a good look at yourself first!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

cutie

fickle minded

Dear diary,
i just dun understand.this officemate of mine she got a fickle mind. she can be so nice and friendly at one time,
but another time she can be errghhhh...so snobbish..!!!
say, when she started the conversation she is so friendly and of course i have to
reply back in kindness and good naturedly..
but when i want to start having a small talk by the pantry for example, she just
brush me off without even a smile or look at my face.
does she has sick mind???? get real...c'mon!! i dun come here to suck up at you, you b**ch!!
i'm just here to have decent working environment where all of us can work in harmony together.
can't you just get that simple statement in your bloody empty mind?

Monday, July 04, 2005

HR..again n again...

Dear diary,
i wonder why izit i always have problems with HR people..it's not that i look for trouble with them.i even tried to avoid them..but still they are looking for my faults.
i tried to low down my head, bury myself in my work,learn all da new stuff as fast as possible...but they are alwiz snooping around me looking for every possible default that i'm making..goshh...why????????????????????????????????????????????

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

yesterday..

Dear diary,
last nite my new boss was a bit pissed off with me. one, i couldn't do the technical proposal. two, my mistake in the slides presentation.three, i said the wrong word when i supposed to say another. four, my battery is out when he asked me to do some more work and i left my battery in da office.
well,one thing for sure, i tried my very best in every task that he gave me.i refer to internet,i looked back in my past work..but hey, different organization do things in different way. things i do in da past doesn't meet his needs and vice versa.
i really hope he can be patient with me while i'm absorbing everything .kinda hard to do things this fast.but again n again, i'm comforting myself..this is da path that i choose. changing my job, go to a different and new place...i have to be strong!!! i have to face all the hurdles!! i can be a good consultant!!! i wan 2 learn!!!i am good..oh yeahh...

Monday, June 27, 2005

edms

dear diary,
it's lunch hour..i'm in my new office, just had my lunch with my boss.
there's not many peole in the office.just the four of us..quite boring but peaceful in a way.
concentrating in my work

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

a few more days left in this company...

Dear diary,
I have a few more days left here in this company before i'm joining the new company in Sunway.
I'm offered a new job,of course with better pay and better designation.Something like a consulting line..which i have been eyeing for quite some time.
The new place is secluded and away from where i am working now but the place has quite a good
place to dine, shop and stay.
Now that i would be away from my future husband who is now working in the same office now
as i am, i'm sure that i will miss him but it's good as at the end of the day i will meet
him at home to unwind, rahter than meet him at the busy and hectic day.Makes me miss him
more than the day before... :)

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

can't get enough

dear diary,
u know something..sometimes i just can't get enough of u.once i write 2 u, i want 2 write
again n again n again in the same day.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Dear diary,
Yesterday i hand in my resignation letter to HR. It's not that i can't take it anymore, it's just that ..i can't take it anymore..hehe..
Being in a position where every step u r being scrutinized and analyzed all the time makes u sick , isn't it? because if u look very hard for faults and wrong in a human being, u will sure to find ...but if u look on the good side that's the beauty of it. That ability is seldom found..
If i have the choice of staying here in this company i will stay but only if they increase my salary in accordance to my expanded job scope.i beleive i'm not asking much because i have helped a lot of project's training with no commission, of course and also a few years experience. i beleive that i deserve more than a fresh graduate's salary.
But, i also believe that my 'rezeki' is not here.I asked God to show me signs whether i should stay or move on...but with this outcome, i trust this the sign that i'm goin to follow.
I'm moving on..reporting duty with the new company end of June.
God, give me the strength to move on with my life...

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

betul ke tindakan aku ni?

dear diary,
aritu 'dia' ade cakap yg projek die kat brunei akan ambil masa more than 6 months. mungkin
tak dapat balik for good bila dia balik bulan Jun ni. mungkin terpaksa tangguh upacara
kahwin ni ke bulan Disember, ujung tahun ni. Mula-mula aku terasa gak..terasa seperti
dipermain-mainkan lak.terasa seperti one-sided feeling lak.terasa cam aku yg nak kahwin
sgt sedangkan die lebih utamakan projek die kat brunei. bila die tanya ape pendapat aku,
aku diam je.bila mlm tu die call,aku kata alang2 buat bln 12 lebih baik buat thn depan je.
iye lah,kalo dah tak boleh buat decision betul2 on what he wants now, how is he going to
make decision for our family later on....sambung nanti...ade keje sikit

Monday, March 14, 2005

kadang2..ke selalu??

Dear diary,
kadang2 aku rasa cam bodoh sangat..aku tak pandai menilai orang, tak pandai menilai kasih sayang orang, tak pandai menghargai kehadiran atau pengorbanan seseorang pada aku, tak pandai ambil hati orang, tak pandai menghormati orang the way i should...
sometimes, aku sendiri rasa kecewa dgn diri aku sendiri. kadang2 aku tertanya2 pada diri aku,kenapa aku buat macam tu kat orang.aku tak sepatutnya buat macam tu.aku betul2 menyesal......betapa aku rasa diri aku begitu kerdil dan jahil sekali time tu..benda2 yg basic macam tu pun nak kena orang bagitau yg itu adalah salah dan tak sepatutnya aku buat atau ucapkan.
tapi selalunya, bila aku sedar dan menyesal, it's usually too late. people are already hurt by my actions. but i dun mean it..seriously!! i have never meant to hurt anyone..
aku tahu, aku mintak maaf pon kadang2 tak guna, sebab the damage is done...tapi percayalah bila aku ditegur atas sesuatu, aku memang menyesal dan mahu meminta maaf. aku tak mahu simpan lama2 rasa bersalah tu dalam hati. kadang2 tu sampai aku termimpi2 menyesal atas perbuatan aku. aku rasa aku memang bodoh..dah penat dah belajar dari kesilapan tapi masih lagi buat silap yang baru, masih lagi melukakan perasaan orang lain..kadang2 aku rasa cam bodoh ...ke memang selalu aku bertindak bodoh????

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Dun sweat the small stuff

Dear diary,
i read the 'dun sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff book' yesterday.
it was good book. i suggest everyone to read it. especially living in this modern world,
this book is a must read at least once a year. Amongs the special chapter that
captivated me is to allow people to be right. Allowing people to be right doesn't mean that
you're wrong..it's just to reach the inner peace and letting go..

Monday, February 28, 2005

forgive others- that's the best gift u give yourselves..

Dear diary,
i had a terrible night..i couldn't sleep well, i cried n i cried. this morning when i woke up
i had puffy eyes.
i think why i had this terrible feeling when i had appraisal yesterday.
and i just couldn't help myself feeling sad and angry of the marks given.
coz i believe i've given my best performance but then again..no point in arguing here.
then it was

Everyone can critique anyone..

Dear diary,
human being..when we get what we want, we're happy.but if we don't get it, we're not..
this appraisal thingy in my company keeps me frustrated this time.
i've done the best on my part ,clients like what i'm doing but still the boss critiques it.
like shit!!!
he's also emotional when evaluating me, not in good position to appraise
me when he barely knows me..the fuck..he knew me like 2-3 mths but
wanted to evaluate my whole last year performance.
i still stand with my own principle. i've done my job, to the very best..
if he's not happy then go to hell, as if he's a perfect person..oohh puhleezzz...
gimme a break... plthhh...

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

being happy always IS an attitude..

Life ends when you stop dreaming,hope ends when you stop believing & love ends when you stop caring. Dream, hope and love..Life is beautiful!!!
Remeber that being happy always is an attitude...make it yours..Have a funtastic day to whoever is reading this out there!!!

Sunday, January 30, 2005

of all the places my heart went..

dear diary,
izit too late for me to welcome year 2005 for you? sorry if you think it's not relevant anymore..
i've been distracted these past few months.i was busy with work. work has sent me to a few places..johore, sabah, brunei, penang...but anywhere that i went ..aiyahh...will continue some other time..gtg