Google Me!!

Couldn't believe my eyes when I tried to google my name and 4 results were shown...WOW! I am famous..I'm in GOOGLE...yey!

Putrajaya Floria

Dear diary,
Our online business step a little bit further this week. We were invited by Perbadanan Putrajaya to join this big event. Doubtful in the first place as this event is ongoing for 9 days from 25/8 - 2/9...so I was a bit afraid on resources side. At last, I got good news from my nephew and sista to cover me on weekdays when I'm working.
Pak Lah, our PM officiated the event and later went on buggy ride to go around the big place. I tot he's going to walk from one stall to another shaking hands with the new entrepeneur but he proves to be a lazy bone, prefer to ride than walking...anyway, we get to see him in person..
The product that we sell proves to be somehow popular with the folks there. Especially the labu sayong. I got sale on the bedside lamp..gross profit is around RM450..which is OK for a newcomer like us..
So, folks ..head up to this Putrajaya Floria at Precint 2, near lakeside (rocket monument). See you at countryside ;-)

Kuch-kuch hota heii

Dear diary,
Sleeping alone at Wisma Halal in Padang Midin, Terengganu last night. Kinda scary at first but I was so tired that i slept immediately. There was supposed to be 3 students accompanying me last nite but they are even worse scared than me..haha..nvm..
Anyway, being alone can make you wonder sometimes. Izit going to be like this when my kids are all grown up..leaving me alone with my husband..hmm..sabishi nee...

Training has always been a havoc here. Server is always down when merely only 50 students accessing it. Hey...figure it out laa... when only a 'cap ayam' server is given of course the service is like 'cock-a-doodle-doo'. Complaining to deaf ears people are no point also. If they want their staff/student to excel, well buckle up people, invest some money to buy a good reliable server or you will get a bored trainer here who will start jotting down her painful memory of having to leave her family behind in her blog during training..hahaha

Syukur - Grateful

Dear diary,
There are a few things in life that we take for granted.
Somehow , i think i've to come to mature age (or at least i think i am) that i start to appreciate all the things around me.
Here is the list of things that I would say "Alhamdulillah" or Thank You, Allah everyday :

• Good and soleh husband
• Healthy and cute baby
• Good job and enough salary
• Family that is always behind me in good or bad time
• Good home to stay with a nice neighbourhood
• Reliable cars that can bring our family everywhere together
• Just enough money to cover our small family's expenses
• Sufficient supply of rice and plenty of other food on table everyday

So, it's true that when people say "Life is like an ice-cream, enjoy it before it melts" and I'm enjoying every minutes of it..

Alhamdulillah...

Unfair ! Unfair ! Unfair !

Dear diary,
I held my head high up when i accepted this position in this new company. Although this job is nothing new to me, hoping to be given an extra or higher job responsibility is part of my dream to be accepted here. At least to be trusted with a simple management position is what i hope for. I don't ask for much , right? Rightttt....

Well, life can be unfair sometimes. (I used to say that ,right...haha...that's just my line).
This ex-colleague of mine , same age, same background but somehow she got promoted eventhough she cannot do any work. I know this because our ex-company's staff is complaining about her. She is the type that likes to tai-chi her work to other people. She is the type who can find 101 excuses and pushed her work to whoever is available to be her victim. But somehow, she got away with her attitude all the time. Reason being that she talks and talks her way and blabber in the meeting that people don't seem to notice...yet...
FYI, diary, I'm not the type who hates people easily...but somehow when it happens to me and she got away with it all the time makes me hate to see her ever again. Even to bump into her in the office is a pain in the ass. She is a pain in the ass. Recently, she blabber to me saying that she's the SME (subject matter expert) in her field that companies are looking up for her to do consultation work...plthhhh...God forbid this..!!! How I wish i can put my tongue in front of her there and then when she was talking...haha...not yet but like I told you, how i wish...

Well, I take a step back and re-examine myself..
Perhaps, I have to form a new me to be able to be trusted with a higher post after this.
Part of the fault is mine...I guess...I noted it here, just for my future reference:

1) not enough experience (perhaps i'll try to get cert on my own after this)
2) i talk rubbish (hmm..maybe sometimes...but hey! not that often)
3)likes to joke too much (i can be joker sometimes ..i hate stiff situation)
4) or ,could it be I take things too serious when people are joking? (hmmmm.....)
5) am i just too cute to be on management side?( this has crossed my mind too...not trying to be snobbish, but people tend to say that to me before...)

Whatever the reason is, I'll improve myself in whatever way I can and prove that somehow they hired a better person in me!! Than trusting somebody else who can only talk!!

Designation - half hearted

Dear diary,
Today is second day my training in Terengganu. Half hearted when coming to class.

Regret

Dear diary,
Wikipedia defined regret as an intelligent or emotional dislike for personal past acts and behaviours.
Regret can be in many forms..big or small..it effects our life, our heart, our way of thinking...
regret is the word that often associated with 'what if'..it happens when we start to wonder the other alternative if we were to chose the other way that won't bring us to this regret.
It made us wonder if there is a better way to handle this feeling that we face.
'What if I do it this way last time...'
'What if I didn't chose this course...'
'What if I accepted the other job offer..'
'What if I chose my ex-boyfreind instead of my parent's choice...'
The list continue on and on..
One way or the other , we can't deny this feeling. We can't ignore it or wish it didn't come.
It will come uninvited and unplanned depends on circumstances.
But the most important thing is how we handle our own feeling and how we react. We may succumbed to the regret but somehow, most of the time, it won't change the present situation.
Feeling 'what if..' doesn't change the current situation instead it will refrain us from stepping forward to a better way ahead that we haven't explore yet.
Accepting the fact that REGRET can be meant for us as fate may be difficult to agree to in the first place, but eventually it will seeped in to our heart and accept it as it is.
Formulate a new idea to pull ourself from the regret and snowball the thinking to boost our confidence that this stage will not be forever and we will see light at the end of the tunnel.

Berjauh hati....

Dear diary,
Apabila sering disalah anggap sebagai isteri yang tidak menghormati suami, tidak tahu menghargai perasaan suami, tidak tahu menghargai pengorbanan suami membuatkan aku semakin hari semakin tawar hati. Ku perhatikan hati aku makin lama makin menjauh darinya..kata org, makin lama makin jauh hati...
Tak terdaya rasanya nak menyebut satu persatu kata-kata yang dapat mempertahankan diri.

Bukit Payung

Dear diary,
Last saturday up to tuesday , I had a training in Kuala Terengganu. Stayed in low class rest house. aiyahh...y la da company so stingy,asked me to stay in that place...but wt da heck , i'm there becoz of da training not for fun.
anyway, just to do my report that i'll be going there again this tuesday 3/7 ,catching a flight at 7.05 am..hafta b at the airport by 5.30am...aiyahh..so early wan...

8.41 am

Dear diary,
this morning i clocked in at 8.41 am...can u imagine? haha...that's break record for me to come THIS early.woke up early reason being my baby had high fever this morning and we brought her to the clinic at 6 am, so head on straight to work after that. Found it quite exhilirating to wake up at this early hour. Last time i remember to woke up this early when I was in school days..hehe...more than 10 years ago...

Last two day,I cooked dinner at home. I prepared white rice, his favourite scrambled eggs, pekasam sepat fish, veggie and mackerel (sardine). Hoping that my hubby would love it and appreciate it. But the first thing came out from his mouth was a complaint "Ooo...ingatkan ikan lampam tadi.." with a not-so-satisfied face...sigh...hoping that he would say "Wow...thank you sayang.." maybe later if he wants to complaint is acceptable.But when a complaint is the first thing that he said, well...it makes me feel down...
Later on, found out he only ate not even a quarter of his favourite eggs, little bit of veggie, small bite of the pekasam and only half of the mackerel..
Can u imagine that? Can u imagine how i felt at that moment?

Roti Arab

Dear diary,
Yesterday evening had a meal at Keramat with my hubby. He tried this dish called 'Roti Arab'. Sounds weird first. At first I thought this bread must be spicy, pungent smell or maybe served by an Arabic looking man. But when it arrived , well...it's quite tasty. Round in shape and they melted some butter on it. Eaten when it's hot, ahh...heaven... But, I don't have pic to show you..sorry diary...

Inspiration Room

Dear diary,
I desperately need some motivation to boost my way of looking at things at work.
Feeling a little bit down when coming to work this morning. Feels like resigning...
sigh...somehow someway i really need somebody to say something for me to keep going.With my life..well, at least with my work..
Hence, I came out with a print out "Be Professional" and put it right on my table beside me. Hope this little print out will help me to go thru a tough journey in this corporate world.

DOT ME!! ~ kapitan ninety nine dot gmail dot com~

Dear diary,
I knew that one of these days I will be dotted. Well, dotted means that people around me somehow, someway will spot my mistakes and point it out. This usually happens when I'm at a new place surrounded by new people. These new people really like to scrutinize me in each and every way they can. Maybe not in the first day but eventually they will voice it out.
Same thing happens in my marriage. My hubby was pointing out every action that I took and pointed out the mistake. "You should do it this way and not that way...", "Your way of doing things are wrong, mine is correct..." bla, bla bla...
Now, this new job there's also one person who is taking his place , not at home anymore but now in office. This person pointing out that I shouldn't wear a jacket/sweater made of material called "jeans" in the office..."before HR pointing it out, maybe it's better I warn you first", she said something like that...well, I'm going to act as mature and calm and wise this time. I won't freak out anymore and show my tantrum to her. I will take this as one of the days that people love to DOT ME!

Second day at shool..ehh...office

Dear diary,
Attended a team meeting. I had to go away for more than 2 weeks in KT starting from next month..sigh...I'll be away too long from my baby..I'm sure gonna miss her a lot..starts to miss her oledi...iskk...iskk

Desa Telipot

Dear diary,
My first day in Bostonweb Academy. New place always welcome kinda uneasy feelings. As I expected. Met my x-officemate from SKALI, so it's not so weird after all.Hmm...today,wanna share with u my trip that my hubby, qistina and me had last weekend. We went to Kota Bharu to attend 'supposed t0-be' his cousin's wedding at Pangkalan Kubor on 'supposed to-be' 31st May 2007 (Thursday). Why is this 'supposed to-be' keep crawling up? To keep it short, it's because of miscommunication of my hubby side + not listening to my advice..
Then, he decided to proceed of going there to have a family vacation. SOooo...I was excited at first knowing that we're going to stay just the three of us in a small hotel, having our family time, taking pics together, walking around, having a splash at the beach, playing crazy games in the hotel room...but he deicded to stay at his uncle's house..I was so devastated.. I was putting so much hope to have our own family time. Tapi dia kata, nak merapatkan hubungan saudara jadi kena duduk bermalam kat rumah pak sedara die.(haa...aku tukaq ckp melayu la noo...nak luah sket rasa ati aku ni laju sket.) Jadi, kalau setakat melawat menziarah umah pak sedara ke tok sedara ke tanpa bermalam itu dikira bukan merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara ke?? Nak kena tido jugak umah sedara tu baru dikira rapat. Ok ..ok...aku paham kalo die nak jumpa, I dun mind even happy with it...tapi nak kena tido sampai 2-2 mlm kat umah die , part itu aku tak paham.rasa cam geram sgt dan rasa cam pecah berderai harapan aku sbb die tak cuba langsung nak paham isi hati aku...nak tanya nape aku tanak tido situ ke, nak tanya the real reason ke ape ke...taaakkk...langsung tak tanya...cuma kuar kuasa veto die je. die ckp itu, itu le maknanya...
if u were me, wouldn't u feel dissapointed too? Here I am trying to pretend that I'm ok but I couldn't...I just couldn't bring myself to accept the whole situation. So, lastly tido le kami 3 beranak kat umah tu utk so-called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' version dia. To me, visiting a relative's house is oso called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' ..tak tau plak kena tido kat umah baru dikira ultra-rapat...!!!
I didn't talk much along da way..dia marah kata aku tak hormat dia...ntahlah...kdg2 bila aku rasa kecewa and give-up hope on something, aku prefer to be quiet je..if i keep quiet and keep to myself , i wouldn't shout and give myself away.
So, if u're reading this my dear hubby...at this point of time I admit I'm very dissapointed at how you see things and chose not to be lenient on this issue. At some point , I find it quite ridiculous..
I also resolved one issue, no more asking for any vacation from you in the future. Full-stop.

My last day at CSSB..n here r my team mate.. gonna miss them

Tetiba rasa give-up..

Dear diary,
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..

takde mood nak tulis..

Dear diary,
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii

My Personality Report -2

Breathe Again

Have you wondered how it feels
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew

Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say

I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more

I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck

It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay

I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more

I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again

Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more

I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again ..