Dear diary,
I got back early today from work. Paid my TTT Program fees at PSMB and took a cab straight back home.
A very emotional day for me. Today, I'm somehow being pushed to commit myself to accept a new position at office. The position is vacant recently as my colleague left for another job. Frankly speaking, I'm reluctant to accept this position. I knew there will be a disaster in this company, after all from track record they scored very high in that area.
So, when I was the last name to be offered this position, I knew that my stay here will be shorter than I expected. Tendency to be fired and misinterpreted are so high like a mountain that me myself couldn't see the peak.
I leave everything to God now...this forced commitment is not my choice , but I leave it to God to decide for me. This is what prayer used to be..Whatever path that is in front of me now, I believe coming from God and He knows what's best for me.
What I think is good for me, might be bad ...and vice versa..
"Commitment takes a great deal of sacrifice.So, choose your commitment wisely." - Grey's Anatomy
Friday, November 30, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
Just to share a story..(no doubt i will forward this to my husband if this thing happen to me..nauzubillah..)
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.
I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.
No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded.
I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got somethingto tell you, I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.
"I want to divorce."
I raised a serious topic calmly.She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?" ." I m serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man! ".
At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reasonwas simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said," I remember ."" You carried me in your arms" , she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly," Let us start from today, don t tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.The visualization of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking,etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter". I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it s time to carry mum out". He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door.
I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.
I moved her hand off my head.
"Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.
I smiled and wrote, "I' ll carry you out every morning until we are old"
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy.
But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn t help doing so.
I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it.
No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded.
I knew I could not hesitate any more.When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got somethingto tell you, I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking.
"I want to divorce."
I raised a serious topic calmly.She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?" ." I m serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man! ".
At that night, we didn t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reasonwas simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn t want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said," I remember ."" You carried me in your arms" , she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly," Let us start from today, don t tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms.The visualization of Dew became vaguer.On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking,etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.I didn t tell Dew about this.I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter". I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it s time to carry mum out". He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn t notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door.
I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious."
She looked at me, astonished. Then she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said.
I moved her hand off my head.
"Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because we didn t love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst out crying. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card.
I smiled and wrote, "I' ll carry you out every morning until we are old"
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Sawang story
Dear diary,
Quite a while I haven't write anything here. Been 'bersawang' a bit, no?
Today,I feel a bit empty inside when I came across a fotopage of my friend who is now staying in Japan. The blog was so interesting with the places that he went, views that was so mesmerizing and pictures that he took. All this while,it has always been me that is fascinated and awestruck by Japanese..Japanese language/books, japanese food,japanese culture..but till today, no rezeki to step foot in that country.. However, in spite of this emptiness, I'm thankful that I have everything that is around me now.
Next story, my hubby doesn't get his salary for quite sometime now, I believe I'm not as bad as some of his officemate's wives who doesn't talk at all to their hubby. I understand how they feel. If you have become the sole breadwinner, I know how upset it is to be in that condition especially when in wife's shoes. Frankly speaking, I don't mind being there and helping a little bit on financial part but when my hubby keep doing work for his beloved 'office' day and night but not being paid a single cent ...that's what make me boil with rage!!!!!
How can he keeps doing office work at home when he can do our Countryside business that will generate money ?? How come he never think of alternative way to generate money instead of solely depending on the company that don't pay his salary?Night is the time he should do other stuff or find part time things to make money. If work harder on this home business of ours, I can bet at least buying diapers and milk for our child is not a problem. Talking about this...grrr...I'm fuming now...astaghfirullah.....
Quite a while I haven't write anything here. Been 'bersawang' a bit, no?
Today,I feel a bit empty inside when I came across a fotopage of my friend who is now staying in Japan. The blog was so interesting with the places that he went, views that was so mesmerizing and pictures that he took. All this while,it has always been me that is fascinated and awestruck by Japanese..Japanese language/books, japanese food,japanese culture..but till today, no rezeki to step foot in that country.. However, in spite of this emptiness, I'm thankful that I have everything that is around me now.
Next story, my hubby doesn't get his salary for quite sometime now, I believe I'm not as bad as some of his officemate's wives who doesn't talk at all to their hubby. I understand how they feel. If you have become the sole breadwinner, I know how upset it is to be in that condition especially when in wife's shoes. Frankly speaking, I don't mind being there and helping a little bit on financial part but when my hubby keep doing work for his beloved 'office' day and night but not being paid a single cent ...that's what make me boil with rage!!!!!
How can he keeps doing office work at home when he can do our Countryside business that will generate money ?? How come he never think of alternative way to generate money instead of solely depending on the company that don't pay his salary?Night is the time he should do other stuff or find part time things to make money. If work harder on this home business of ours, I can bet at least buying diapers and milk for our child is not a problem. Talking about this...grrr...I'm fuming now...astaghfirullah.....
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Google Me!!
Couldn't believe my eyes when I tried to google my name and 4 results were shown...WOW! I am famous..I'm in GOOGLE...yey!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Putrajaya Floria
Dear diary,
Our online business step a little bit further this week. We were invited by Perbadanan Putrajaya to join this big event. Doubtful in the first place as this event is ongoing for 9 days from 25/8 - 2/9...so I was a bit afraid on resources side. At last, I got good news from my nephew and sista to cover me on weekdays when I'm working.
Pak Lah, our PM officiated the event and later went on buggy ride to go around the big place. I tot he's going to walk from one stall to another shaking hands with the new entrepeneur but he proves to be a lazy bone, prefer to ride than walking...anyway, we get to see him in person..
The product that we sell proves to be somehow popular with the folks there. Especially the labu sayong. I got sale on the bedside lamp..gross profit is around RM450..which is OK for a newcomer like us..
So, folks ..head up to this Putrajaya Floria at Precint 2, near lakeside (rocket monument). See you at countryside ;-)
Our online business step a little bit further this week. We were invited by Perbadanan Putrajaya to join this big event. Doubtful in the first place as this event is ongoing for 9 days from 25/8 - 2/9...so I was a bit afraid on resources side. At last, I got good news from my nephew and sista to cover me on weekdays when I'm working.
Pak Lah, our PM officiated the event and later went on buggy ride to go around the big place. I tot he's going to walk from one stall to another shaking hands with the new entrepeneur but he proves to be a lazy bone, prefer to ride than walking...anyway, we get to see him in person..
The product that we sell proves to be somehow popular with the folks there. Especially the labu sayong. I got sale on the bedside lamp..gross profit is around RM450..which is OK for a newcomer like us..
So, folks ..head up to this Putrajaya Floria at Precint 2, near lakeside (rocket monument). See you at countryside ;-)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Kuch-kuch hota heii
Dear diary,
Sleeping alone at Wisma Halal in Padang Midin, Terengganu last night. Kinda scary at first but I was so tired that i slept immediately. There was supposed to be 3 students accompanying me last nite but they are even worse scared than me..haha..nvm..
Anyway, being alone can make you wonder sometimes. Izit going to be like this when my kids are all grown up..leaving me alone with my husband..hmm..sabishi nee...
Training has always been a havoc here. Server is always down when merely only 50 students accessing it. Hey...figure it out laa... when only a 'cap ayam' server is given of course the service is like 'cock-a-doodle-doo'. Complaining to deaf ears people are no point also. If they want their staff/student to excel, well buckle up people, invest some money to buy a good reliable server or you will get a bored trainer here who will start jotting down her painful memory of having to leave her family behind in her blog during training..hahaha
Sleeping alone at Wisma Halal in Padang Midin, Terengganu last night. Kinda scary at first but I was so tired that i slept immediately. There was supposed to be 3 students accompanying me last nite but they are even worse scared than me..haha..nvm..
Anyway, being alone can make you wonder sometimes. Izit going to be like this when my kids are all grown up..leaving me alone with my husband..hmm..sabishi nee...
Training has always been a havoc here. Server is always down when merely only 50 students accessing it. Hey...figure it out laa... when only a 'cap ayam' server is given of course the service is like 'cock-a-doodle-doo'. Complaining to deaf ears people are no point also. If they want their staff/student to excel, well buckle up people, invest some money to buy a good reliable server or you will get a bored trainer here who will start jotting down her painful memory of having to leave her family behind in her blog during training..hahaha
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Syukur - Grateful
Dear diary,
There are a few things in life that we take for granted.
Somehow , i think i've to come to mature age (or at least i think i am) that i start to appreciate all the things around me.
Here is the list of things that I would say "Alhamdulillah" or Thank You, Allah everyday :
There are a few things in life that we take for granted.
Somehow , i think i've to come to mature age (or at least i think i am) that i start to appreciate all the things around me.
Here is the list of things that I would say "Alhamdulillah" or Thank You, Allah everyday :
- Good and soleh husband
- Healthy and cute baby
- Good job and enough salary
- Family that is always behind me in good or bad time
- Good home to stay with a nice neighbourhood
- Reliable cars that can bring our family everywhere together
- Just enough money to cover our small family's expenses
- Sufficient supply of rice and plenty of other food on table everyday
So, it's true that when people say "Life is like an ice-cream, enjoy it before it melts" and I'm enjoying every minutes of it..
Alhamdulillah...
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Unfair ! Unfair ! Unfair !
Dear diary,
I held my head high up when i accepted this position in this new company. Although this job is nothing new to me, hoping to be given an extra or higher job responsibility is part of my dream to be accepted here. At least to be trusted with a simple management position is what i hope for. I don't ask for much , right? Rightttt....
Well, life can be unfair sometimes. (I used to say that ,right...haha...that's just my line).
This ex-colleague of mine , same age, same background but somehow she got promoted eventhough she cannot do any work. I know this because our ex-company's staff is complaining about her. She is the type that likes to tai-chi her work to other people. She is the type who can find 101 excuses and pushed her work to whoever is available to be her victim. But somehow, she got away with her attitude all the time. Reason being that she talks and talks her way and blabber in the meeting that people don't seem to notice...yet...
FYI, diary, I'm not the type who hates people easily...but somehow when it happens to me and she got away with it all the time makes me hate to see her ever again. Even to bump into her in the office is a pain in the ass. She is a pain in the ass. Recently, she blabber to me saying that she's the SME (subject matter expert) in her field that companies are looking up for her to do consultation work...plthhhh...God forbid this..!!! How I wish i can put my tongue in front of her there and then when she was talking...haha...not yet but like I told you, how i wish...
Well, I take a step back and re-examine myself..
Perhaps, I have to form a new me to be able to be trusted with a higher post after this.
Part of the fault is mine...I guess...I noted it here, just for my future reference:
1) not enough experience (perhaps i'll try to get cert on my own after this)
2) i talk rubbish (hmm..maybe sometimes...but hey! not that often)
3)likes to joke too much (i can be joker sometimes ..i hate stiff situation)
4) or ,could it be I take things too serious when people are joking? (hmmmm.....)
5) am i just too cute to be on management side?( this has crossed my mind too...not trying to be snobbish, but people tend to say that to me before...)
Whatever the reason is, I'll improve myself in whatever way I can and prove that somehow they hired a better person in me!! Than trusting somebody else who can only talk!!
I held my head high up when i accepted this position in this new company. Although this job is nothing new to me, hoping to be given an extra or higher job responsibility is part of my dream to be accepted here. At least to be trusted with a simple management position is what i hope for. I don't ask for much , right? Rightttt....
Well, life can be unfair sometimes. (I used to say that ,right...haha...that's just my line).
This ex-colleague of mine , same age, same background but somehow she got promoted eventhough she cannot do any work. I know this because our ex-company's staff is complaining about her. She is the type that likes to tai-chi her work to other people. She is the type who can find 101 excuses and pushed her work to whoever is available to be her victim. But somehow, she got away with her attitude all the time. Reason being that she talks and talks her way and blabber in the meeting that people don't seem to notice...yet...
FYI, diary, I'm not the type who hates people easily...but somehow when it happens to me and she got away with it all the time makes me hate to see her ever again. Even to bump into her in the office is a pain in the ass. She is a pain in the ass. Recently, she blabber to me saying that she's the SME (subject matter expert) in her field that companies are looking up for her to do consultation work...plthhhh...God forbid this..!!! How I wish i can put my tongue in front of her there and then when she was talking...haha...not yet but like I told you, how i wish...
Well, I take a step back and re-examine myself..
Perhaps, I have to form a new me to be able to be trusted with a higher post after this.
Part of the fault is mine...I guess...I noted it here, just for my future reference:
1) not enough experience (perhaps i'll try to get cert on my own after this)
2) i talk rubbish (hmm..maybe sometimes...but hey! not that often)
3)likes to joke too much (i can be joker sometimes ..i hate stiff situation)
4) or ,could it be I take things too serious when people are joking? (hmmmm.....)
5) am i just too cute to be on management side?( this has crossed my mind too...not trying to be snobbish, but people tend to say that to me before...)
Whatever the reason is, I'll improve myself in whatever way I can and prove that somehow they hired a better person in me!! Than trusting somebody else who can only talk!!
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Designation - half hearted
Dear diary,
Today is second day my training in Terengganu. Half hearted when coming to class.
Today is second day my training in Terengganu. Half hearted when coming to class.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Regret
Dear diary,
Wikipedia defined regret as an intelligent or emotional dislike for personal past acts and behaviours.
Regret can be in many forms..big or small..it effects our life, our heart, our way of thinking...
regret is the word that often associated with 'what if'..it happens when we start to wonder the other alternative if we were to chose the other way that won't bring us to this regret.
It made us wonder if there is a better way to handle this feeling that we face.
'What if I do it this way last time...'
'What if I didn't chose this course...'
'What if I accepted the other job offer..'
'What if I chose my ex-boyfreind instead of my parent's choice...'
The list continue on and on..
One way or the other , we can't deny this feeling. We can't ignore it or wish it didn't come.
It will come uninvited and unplanned depends on circumstances.
But the most important thing is how we handle our own feeling and how we react. We may succumbed to the regret but somehow, most of the time, it won't change the present situation.
Feeling 'what if..' doesn't change the current situation instead it will refrain us from stepping forward to a better way ahead that we haven't explore yet.
Accepting the fact that REGRET can be meant for us as fate may be difficult to agree to in the first place, but eventually it will seeped in to our heart and accept it as it is.
Formulate a new idea to pull ourself from the regret and snowball the thinking to boost our confidence that this stage will not be forever and we will see light at the end of the tunnel.
Wikipedia defined regret as an intelligent or emotional dislike for personal past acts and behaviours.
Regret can be in many forms..big or small..it effects our life, our heart, our way of thinking...
regret is the word that often associated with 'what if'..it happens when we start to wonder the other alternative if we were to chose the other way that won't bring us to this regret.
It made us wonder if there is a better way to handle this feeling that we face.
'What if I do it this way last time...'
'What if I didn't chose this course...'
'What if I accepted the other job offer..'
'What if I chose my ex-boyfreind instead of my parent's choice...'
The list continue on and on..
One way or the other , we can't deny this feeling. We can't ignore it or wish it didn't come.
It will come uninvited and unplanned depends on circumstances.
But the most important thing is how we handle our own feeling and how we react. We may succumbed to the regret but somehow, most of the time, it won't change the present situation.
Feeling 'what if..' doesn't change the current situation instead it will refrain us from stepping forward to a better way ahead that we haven't explore yet.
Accepting the fact that REGRET can be meant for us as fate may be difficult to agree to in the first place, but eventually it will seeped in to our heart and accept it as it is.
Formulate a new idea to pull ourself from the regret and snowball the thinking to boost our confidence that this stage will not be forever and we will see light at the end of the tunnel.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Berjauh hati....
Dear diary,
Apabila sering disalah anggap sebagai isteri yang tidak menghormati suami, tidak tahu menghargai perasaan suami, tidak tahu menghargai pengorbanan suami membuatkan aku semakin hari semakin tawar hati. Ku perhatikan hati aku makin lama makin menjauh darinya..kata org, makin lama makin jauh hati...
Tak terdaya rasanya nak menyebut satu persatu kata-kata yang dapat mempertahankan diri.
Apabila sering disalah anggap sebagai isteri yang tidak menghormati suami, tidak tahu menghargai perasaan suami, tidak tahu menghargai pengorbanan suami membuatkan aku semakin hari semakin tawar hati. Ku perhatikan hati aku makin lama makin menjauh darinya..kata org, makin lama makin jauh hati...
Tak terdaya rasanya nak menyebut satu persatu kata-kata yang dapat mempertahankan diri.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Bukit Payung
Dear diary,
Last saturday up to tuesday , I had a training in Kuala Terengganu. Stayed in low class rest house. aiyahh...y la da company so stingy,asked me to stay in that place...but wt da heck , i'm there becoz of da training not for fun.
anyway, just to do my report that i'll be going there again this tuesday 3/7 ,catching a flight at 7.05 am..hafta b at the airport by 5.30am...aiyahh..so early wan...
Last saturday up to tuesday , I had a training in Kuala Terengganu. Stayed in low class rest house. aiyahh...y la da company so stingy,asked me to stay in that place...but wt da heck , i'm there becoz of da training not for fun.
anyway, just to do my report that i'll be going there again this tuesday 3/7 ,catching a flight at 7.05 am..hafta b at the airport by 5.30am...aiyahh..so early wan...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
8.41 am
Dear diary,
this morning i clocked in at 8.41 am...can u imagine? haha...that's break record for me to come THIS early.woke up early reason being my baby had high fever this morning and we brought her to the clinic at 6 am, so head on straight to work after that. Found it quite exhilirating to wake up at this early hour. Last time i remember to woke up this early when I was in school days..hehe...more than 10 years ago...
Last two day,I cooked dinner at home. I prepared white rice, his favourite scrambled eggs, pekasam sepat fish, veggie and mackerel (sardine). Hoping that my hubby would love it and appreciate it. But the first thing came out from his mouth was a complaint "Ooo...ingatkan ikan lampam tadi.." with a not-so-satisfied face...sigh...hoping that he would say "Wow...thank you sayang.." maybe later if he wants to complaint is acceptable.But when a complaint is the first thing that he said, well...it makes me feel down...
Later on, found out he only ate not even a quarter of his favourite eggs, little bit of veggie, small bite of the pekasam and only half of the mackerel..
Can u imagine that? Can u imagine how i felt at that moment?
this morning i clocked in at 8.41 am...can u imagine? haha...that's break record for me to come THIS early.woke up early reason being my baby had high fever this morning and we brought her to the clinic at 6 am, so head on straight to work after that. Found it quite exhilirating to wake up at this early hour. Last time i remember to woke up this early when I was in school days..hehe...more than 10 years ago...
Last two day,I cooked dinner at home. I prepared white rice, his favourite scrambled eggs, pekasam sepat fish, veggie and mackerel (sardine). Hoping that my hubby would love it and appreciate it. But the first thing came out from his mouth was a complaint "Ooo...ingatkan ikan lampam tadi.." with a not-so-satisfied face...sigh...hoping that he would say "Wow...thank you sayang.." maybe later if he wants to complaint is acceptable.But when a complaint is the first thing that he said, well...it makes me feel down...
Later on, found out he only ate not even a quarter of his favourite eggs, little bit of veggie, small bite of the pekasam and only half of the mackerel..
Can u imagine that? Can u imagine how i felt at that moment?
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Roti Arab
Dear diary,
Yesterday evening had a meal at Keramat with my hubby. He tried this dish called 'Roti Arab'. Sounds weird first. At first I thought this bread must be spicy, pungent smell or maybe served by an Arabic looking man. But when it arrived , well...it's quite tasty. Round in shape and they melted some butter on it. Eaten when it's hot, ahh...heaven... But, I don't have pic to show you..sorry diary...
Yesterday evening had a meal at Keramat with my hubby. He tried this dish called 'Roti Arab'. Sounds weird first. At first I thought this bread must be spicy, pungent smell or maybe served by an Arabic looking man. But when it arrived , well...it's quite tasty. Round in shape and they melted some butter on it. Eaten when it's hot, ahh...heaven... But, I don't have pic to show you..sorry diary...
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Inspiration Room
Dear diary,
I desperately need some motivation to boost my way of looking at things at work.
Feeling a little bit down when coming to work this morning. Feels like resigning...
sigh...somehow someway i really need somebody to say something for me to keep going.With my life..well, at least with my work..
Hence, I came out with a print out "Be Professional" and put it right on my table beside me. Hope this little print out will help me to go thru a tough journey in this corporate world.
I desperately need some motivation to boost my way of looking at things at work.
Feeling a little bit down when coming to work this morning. Feels like resigning...
sigh...somehow someway i really need somebody to say something for me to keep going.With my life..well, at least with my work..
Hence, I came out with a print out "Be Professional" and put it right on my table beside me. Hope this little print out will help me to go thru a tough journey in this corporate world.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
DOT ME!! ~ kapitan ninety nine dot gmail dot com~
Dear diary,
I knew that one of these days I will be dotted. Well, dotted means that people around me somehow, someway will spot my mistakes and point it out. This usually happens when I'm at a new place surrounded by new people. These new people really like to scrutinize me in each and every way they can. Maybe not in the first day but eventually they will voice it out.
Same thing happens in my marriage. My hubby was pointing out every action that I took and pointed out the mistake. "You should do it this way and not that way...", "Your way of doing things are wrong, mine is correct..." bla, bla bla...
Now, this new job there's also one person who is taking his place , not at home anymore but now in office. This person pointing out that I shouldn't wear a jacket/sweater made of material called "jeans" in the office..."before HR pointing it out, maybe it's better I warn you first", she said something like that...well, I'm going to act as mature and calm and wise this time. I won't freak out anymore and show my tantrum to her. I will take this as one of the days that people love to DOT ME!
I knew that one of these days I will be dotted. Well, dotted means that people around me somehow, someway will spot my mistakes and point it out. This usually happens when I'm at a new place surrounded by new people. These new people really like to scrutinize me in each and every way they can. Maybe not in the first day but eventually they will voice it out.
Same thing happens in my marriage. My hubby was pointing out every action that I took and pointed out the mistake. "You should do it this way and not that way...", "Your way of doing things are wrong, mine is correct..." bla, bla bla...
Now, this new job there's also one person who is taking his place , not at home anymore but now in office. This person pointing out that I shouldn't wear a jacket/sweater made of material called "jeans" in the office..."before HR pointing it out, maybe it's better I warn you first", she said something like that...well, I'm going to act as mature and calm and wise this time. I won't freak out anymore and show my tantrum to her. I will take this as one of the days that people love to DOT ME!
Monday, June 04, 2007
Second day at shool..ehh...office
Dear diary,
Attended a team meeting. I had to go away for more than 2 weeks in KT starting from next month..sigh...I'll be away too long from my baby..I'm sure gonna miss her a lot..starts to miss her oledi...iskk...iskk
Attended a team meeting. I had to go away for more than 2 weeks in KT starting from next month..sigh...I'll be away too long from my baby..I'm sure gonna miss her a lot..starts to miss her oledi...iskk...iskk
Sunday, June 03, 2007
Desa Telipot
Dear diary,
My first day in Bostonweb Academy. New place always welcome kinda uneasy feelings. As I expected. Met my x-officemate from SKALI, so it's not so weird after all.Hmm...today,wanna share with u my trip that my hubby, qistina and me had last weekend. We went to Kota Bharu to attend 'supposed t0-be' his cousin's wedding at Pangkalan Kubor on 'supposed to-be' 31st May 2007 (Thursday). Why is this 'supposed to-be' keep crawling up? To keep it short, it's because of miscommunication of my hubby side + not listening to my advice..
Then, he decided to proceed of going there to have a family vacation. SOooo...I was excited at first knowing that we're going to stay just the three of us in a small hotel, having our family time, taking pics together, walking around, having a splash at the beach, playing crazy games in the hotel room...but he deicded to stay at his uncle's house..I was so devastated.. I was putting so much hope to have our own family time. Tapi dia kata, nak merapatkan hubungan saudara jadi kena duduk bermalam kat rumah pak sedara die.(haa...aku tukaq ckp melayu la noo...nak luah sket rasa ati aku ni laju sket.) Jadi, kalau setakat melawat menziarah umah pak sedara ke tok sedara ke tanpa bermalam itu dikira bukan merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara ke?? Nak kena tido jugak umah sedara tu baru dikira rapat. Ok ..ok...aku paham kalo die nak jumpa, I dun mind even happy with it...tapi nak kena tido sampai 2-2 mlm kat umah die , part itu aku tak paham.rasa cam geram sgt dan rasa cam pecah berderai harapan aku sbb die tak cuba langsung nak paham isi hati aku...nak tanya nape aku tanak tido situ ke, nak tanya the real reason ke ape ke...taaakkk...langsung tak tanya...cuma kuar kuasa veto die je. die ckp itu, itu le maknanya...
if u were me, wouldn't u feel dissapointed too? Here I am trying to pretend that I'm ok but I couldn't...I just couldn't bring myself to accept the whole situation. So, lastly tido le kami 3 beranak kat umah tu utk so-called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' version dia. To me, visiting a relative's house is oso called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' ..tak tau plak kena tido kat umah baru dikira ultra-rapat...!!!
I didn't talk much along da way..dia marah kata aku tak hormat dia...ntahlah...kdg2 bila aku rasa kecewa and give-up hope on something, aku prefer to be quiet je..if i keep quiet and keep to myself , i wouldn't shout and give myself away.
So, if u're reading this my dear hubby...at this point of time I admit I'm very dissapointed at how you see things and chose not to be lenient on this issue. At some point , I find it quite ridiculous..
I also resolved one issue, no more asking for any vacation from you in the future. Full-stop.
My first day in Bostonweb Academy. New place always welcome kinda uneasy feelings. As I expected. Met my x-officemate from SKALI, so it's not so weird after all.Hmm...today,wanna share with u my trip that my hubby, qistina and me had last weekend. We went to Kota Bharu to attend 'supposed t0-be' his cousin's wedding at Pangkalan Kubor on 'supposed to-be' 31st May 2007 (Thursday). Why is this 'supposed to-be' keep crawling up? To keep it short, it's because of miscommunication of my hubby side + not listening to my advice..
Then, he decided to proceed of going there to have a family vacation. SOooo...I was excited at first knowing that we're going to stay just the three of us in a small hotel, having our family time, taking pics together, walking around, having a splash at the beach, playing crazy games in the hotel room...but he deicded to stay at his uncle's house..I was so devastated.. I was putting so much hope to have our own family time. Tapi dia kata, nak merapatkan hubungan saudara jadi kena duduk bermalam kat rumah pak sedara die.(haa...aku tukaq ckp melayu la noo...nak luah sket rasa ati aku ni laju sket.) Jadi, kalau setakat melawat menziarah umah pak sedara ke tok sedara ke tanpa bermalam itu dikira bukan merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara ke?? Nak kena tido jugak umah sedara tu baru dikira rapat. Ok ..ok...aku paham kalo die nak jumpa, I dun mind even happy with it...tapi nak kena tido sampai 2-2 mlm kat umah die , part itu aku tak paham.rasa cam geram sgt dan rasa cam pecah berderai harapan aku sbb die tak cuba langsung nak paham isi hati aku...nak tanya nape aku tanak tido situ ke, nak tanya the real reason ke ape ke...taaakkk...langsung tak tanya...cuma kuar kuasa veto die je. die ckp itu, itu le maknanya...
if u were me, wouldn't u feel dissapointed too? Here I am trying to pretend that I'm ok but I couldn't...I just couldn't bring myself to accept the whole situation. So, lastly tido le kami 3 beranak kat umah tu utk so-called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' version dia. To me, visiting a relative's house is oso called 'merapatkan hubungan sesama sedara' ..tak tau plak kena tido kat umah baru dikira ultra-rapat...!!!
I didn't talk much along da way..dia marah kata aku tak hormat dia...ntahlah...kdg2 bila aku rasa kecewa and give-up hope on something, aku prefer to be quiet je..if i keep quiet and keep to myself , i wouldn't shout and give myself away.
So, if u're reading this my dear hubby...at this point of time I admit I'm very dissapointed at how you see things and chose not to be lenient on this issue. At some point , I find it quite ridiculous..
I also resolved one issue, no more asking for any vacation from you in the future. Full-stop.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Tetiba rasa give-up..
Dear diary,
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
takde mood nak tulis..
Dear diary,
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Breathe Again
Have you wondered how it feels
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew
Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again ..
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew
Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again ..
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Job Vacancy: PARENT
Dear diary,
I was reading my x-boss's blog when i came across this funny yet true entry by him...or from the original author of it. This is what we call as the beauty of parenting...
Job Vacancy: PARENT
VACANT POSITION:
~ Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , Mak , Emak, Ibu, Umi
~ Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Ayah, Bapak, Abah
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Responsible for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Dedicated to parents in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis. And to anyone thinking of applying for the job
I was reading my x-boss's blog when i came across this funny yet true entry by him...or from the original author of it. This is what we call as the beauty of parenting...
Job Vacancy: PARENT
VACANT POSITION:
~ Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , Mak , Emak, Ibu, Umi
~ Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Ayah, Bapak, Abah
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Responsible for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Dedicated to parents in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis. And to anyone thinking of applying for the job
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Tukar kerja lagi???
Dear diary,
Tensionnye!!! Sakit kepala arini...Rasa penat sangat...setakat hari ni dah banyak kali sangat aku tukar2 kerja.rasanya dah 6 kali.kalo tukar lagi kali ni dah masuk yg ke tujuh.penat dgn hal kena tukar2 kerja2 ni.Aku nak stabilityyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Susah sgt ke nak dapat kat dunia ni. susah sgt ke nak naik gaji aku ni. susah sgt ke aku nak naik pangkat?????
Tired sgt rasa gusar, tired sgt rasa cam tak puas ati, tired sgt rasa cam hidup tak stabil.
Aku dah dioffer tempat kerja baru, dekat Menara Haw Par sbg Trainer. Kerja yg sama dioffer pada my x-colleague. My x-colleague tu dah accepted their offer n started working for few days.Then suddenly he sms me telling me that da company i'm supposed to join too next month is a lousy company. Ntahlah...die kata company tu tak structured lah,tak organized lah, boss tak mau pendapat staff langsung lah...tapi kat mana kita kerja sekali pon, even da old company sekali pon, the culture still like that jugak.
Tadi gi mkn dgn my officemate. She's well read person, although same age but somehow wiser interms of marriage or life in general.After talking to her I feel a bit relieved and comforted about my decision moving to this new company. She leave it to me but advise that maybe I should give it a shot. The wage that the new place is offering me is way higher than what i'm getting now..almost RM1000 the difference. From there, I can set a higher standard for myself in the future. After all, I've reached the age of 30 which other people are quite comfortable in getting their salary past the benchmark of RM3k. If I stay here, chances of moving up the ladder is very low so probably moving away is a good step.
I wish that it's my hubby who would comfort me with these words instead of my girlfriends. He's my soulmate but apparently he's not intune with my emotional needs..I got frustrated with him this morning. Hope that he would at least give me a boost of confidence or soothing words just by saying"...dun worry, things will be okay"but instead he just said in a way that he's not interested to know or simply couldn't care less..didn't even show any initiative to show that he's willing to dig more into this company's past/future background for my sake..i feel unappreciated.
Tensionnye!!! Sakit kepala arini...Rasa penat sangat...setakat hari ni dah banyak kali sangat aku tukar2 kerja.rasanya dah 6 kali.kalo tukar lagi kali ni dah masuk yg ke tujuh.penat dgn hal kena tukar2 kerja2 ni.Aku nak stabilityyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Susah sgt ke nak dapat kat dunia ni. susah sgt ke nak naik gaji aku ni. susah sgt ke aku nak naik pangkat?????
Tired sgt rasa gusar, tired sgt rasa cam tak puas ati, tired sgt rasa cam hidup tak stabil.
Aku dah dioffer tempat kerja baru, dekat Menara Haw Par sbg Trainer. Kerja yg sama dioffer pada my x-colleague. My x-colleague tu dah accepted their offer n started working for few days.Then suddenly he sms me telling me that da company i'm supposed to join too next month is a lousy company. Ntahlah...die kata company tu tak structured lah,tak organized lah, boss tak mau pendapat staff langsung lah...tapi kat mana kita kerja sekali pon, even da old company sekali pon, the culture still like that jugak.
Tadi gi mkn dgn my officemate. She's well read person, although same age but somehow wiser interms of marriage or life in general.After talking to her I feel a bit relieved and comforted about my decision moving to this new company. She leave it to me but advise that maybe I should give it a shot. The wage that the new place is offering me is way higher than what i'm getting now..almost RM1000 the difference. From there, I can set a higher standard for myself in the future. After all, I've reached the age of 30 which other people are quite comfortable in getting their salary past the benchmark of RM3k. If I stay here, chances of moving up the ladder is very low so probably moving away is a good step.
I wish that it's my hubby who would comfort me with these words instead of my girlfriends. He's my soulmate but apparently he's not intune with my emotional needs..I got frustrated with him this morning. Hope that he would at least give me a boost of confidence or soothing words just by saying"...dun worry, things will be okay"but instead he just said in a way that he's not interested to know or simply couldn't care less..didn't even show any initiative to show that he's willing to dig more into this company's past/future background for my sake..i feel unappreciated.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Bagan Lalang - our first little memory together...
Dear diary,
Last weekend hubby, Qistina and me went for a holiday in Bagan Lalang. It's not so far from KL , about 1 and 1/2 hours by car. It's near seaside and we had our opportunity to lavish on the grilled fish or ikan bakar. taste good, fresh seafood but the service is lousy. they had my order mixed up with other customers but never said sorry.never even admitted that they were wrong..hampeshhh....
we stayed at Hotel Seri Malaysia, not a grand hotel, just 2 stars, but heyy...as long as we're together as a family, i'm quite happy with it..
Dipped my baby's small chubby feet in the seawater...hehe...so cute when she grins the moment she saw her feet touched the water...she didn't stop grinning from ear to ear. .She loves to bath of course she loves water. Later we brought her to the hotel's swimming pool, again she jumps with joy with so many water around her...haha...
This is the memory i'm trying to create. ..this is the moment i'm going to treasure for the rest of my life with my small family of my hubby and my baby. Years on, this memory will always stays in our mind...
Last weekend hubby, Qistina and me went for a holiday in Bagan Lalang. It's not so far from KL , about 1 and 1/2 hours by car. It's near seaside and we had our opportunity to lavish on the grilled fish or ikan bakar. taste good, fresh seafood but the service is lousy. they had my order mixed up with other customers but never said sorry.never even admitted that they were wrong..hampeshhh....
we stayed at Hotel Seri Malaysia, not a grand hotel, just 2 stars, but heyy...as long as we're together as a family, i'm quite happy with it..
Dipped my baby's small chubby feet in the seawater...hehe...so cute when she grins the moment she saw her feet touched the water...she didn't stop grinning from ear to ear. .She loves to bath of course she loves water. Later we brought her to the hotel's swimming pool, again she jumps with joy with so many water around her...haha...
This is the memory i'm trying to create. ..this is the moment i'm going to treasure for the rest of my life with my small family of my hubby and my baby. Years on, this memory will always stays in our mind...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Troubles with Client...F***ed PPK MOE!!
Dear diary,
My new job is interesting...so far...but soemhow i noticed that we're having quite a difficult time in handling this nasty client. They are the government officers who are supposed to approve our work. But they are so corrupted , useless, brainless and theink that they are so good in the subject..i'm dumbfounded at first with their attitude...but now i understand and accept what people think of government officers. They are right..Government officers don't do any work and expect other people to do for them but then complaint about their work. Gosh!!
No wonder Malaysians can't even put their self on par with other developed countries...with this kind of mentality ...
My new job is interesting...so far...but soemhow i noticed that we're having quite a difficult time in handling this nasty client. They are the government officers who are supposed to approve our work. But they are so corrupted , useless, brainless and theink that they are so good in the subject..i'm dumbfounded at first with their attitude...but now i understand and accept what people think of government officers. They are right..Government officers don't do any work and expect other people to do for them but then complaint about their work. Gosh!!
No wonder Malaysians can't even put their self on par with other developed countries...with this kind of mentality ...
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