Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Tetiba rasa give-up..
Dear diary,
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
takde mood nak tulis..
Dear diary,
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Breathe Again
Have you wondered how it feels
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew
Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again ..
When it‘s all over
Wondered how it feels when you just
Have to start anew
Never knowing where you‘re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now I just close my eyes and say
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go
But life still moves on
With a bit of luck
It‘s a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don‘t want to live on life‘s replay
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn
I just wanna breathe again
Learn to face the joy and the pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I‘ll breathe again ..
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Job Vacancy: PARENT
Dear diary,
I was reading my x-boss's blog when i came across this funny yet true entry by him...or from the original author of it. This is what we call as the beauty of parenting...
Job Vacancy: PARENT
VACANT POSITION:
~ Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , Mak , Emak, Ibu, Umi
~ Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Ayah, Bapak, Abah
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Responsible for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Dedicated to parents in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis. And to anyone thinking of applying for the job
I was reading my x-boss's blog when i came across this funny yet true entry by him...or from the original author of it. This is what we call as the beauty of parenting...
Job Vacancy: PARENT
VACANT POSITION:
~ Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma , Mak , Emak, Ibu, Umi
~ Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Ayah, Bapak, Abah
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
Responsible for the rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Dedicated to parents in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis. And to anyone thinking of applying for the job
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Tukar kerja lagi???
Dear diary,
Tensionnye!!! Sakit kepala arini...Rasa penat sangat...setakat hari ni dah banyak kali sangat aku tukar2 kerja.rasanya dah 6 kali.kalo tukar lagi kali ni dah masuk yg ke tujuh.penat dgn hal kena tukar2 kerja2 ni.Aku nak stabilityyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Susah sgt ke nak dapat kat dunia ni. susah sgt ke nak naik gaji aku ni. susah sgt ke aku nak naik pangkat?????
Tired sgt rasa gusar, tired sgt rasa cam tak puas ati, tired sgt rasa cam hidup tak stabil.
Aku dah dioffer tempat kerja baru, dekat Menara Haw Par sbg Trainer. Kerja yg sama dioffer pada my x-colleague. My x-colleague tu dah accepted their offer n started working for few days.Then suddenly he sms me telling me that da company i'm supposed to join too next month is a lousy company. Ntahlah...die kata company tu tak structured lah,tak organized lah, boss tak mau pendapat staff langsung lah...tapi kat mana kita kerja sekali pon, even da old company sekali pon, the culture still like that jugak.
Tadi gi mkn dgn my officemate. She's well read person, although same age but somehow wiser interms of marriage or life in general.After talking to her I feel a bit relieved and comforted about my decision moving to this new company. She leave it to me but advise that maybe I should give it a shot. The wage that the new place is offering me is way higher than what i'm getting now..almost RM1000 the difference. From there, I can set a higher standard for myself in the future. After all, I've reached the age of 30 which other people are quite comfortable in getting their salary past the benchmark of RM3k. If I stay here, chances of moving up the ladder is very low so probably moving away is a good step.
I wish that it's my hubby who would comfort me with these words instead of my girlfriends. He's my soulmate but apparently he's not intune with my emotional needs..I got frustrated with him this morning. Hope that he would at least give me a boost of confidence or soothing words just by saying"...dun worry, things will be okay"but instead he just said in a way that he's not interested to know or simply couldn't care less..didn't even show any initiative to show that he's willing to dig more into this company's past/future background for my sake..i feel unappreciated.
Tensionnye!!! Sakit kepala arini...Rasa penat sangat...setakat hari ni dah banyak kali sangat aku tukar2 kerja.rasanya dah 6 kali.kalo tukar lagi kali ni dah masuk yg ke tujuh.penat dgn hal kena tukar2 kerja2 ni.Aku nak stabilityyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Susah sgt ke nak dapat kat dunia ni. susah sgt ke nak naik gaji aku ni. susah sgt ke aku nak naik pangkat?????
Tired sgt rasa gusar, tired sgt rasa cam tak puas ati, tired sgt rasa cam hidup tak stabil.
Aku dah dioffer tempat kerja baru, dekat Menara Haw Par sbg Trainer. Kerja yg sama dioffer pada my x-colleague. My x-colleague tu dah accepted their offer n started working for few days.Then suddenly he sms me telling me that da company i'm supposed to join too next month is a lousy company. Ntahlah...die kata company tu tak structured lah,tak organized lah, boss tak mau pendapat staff langsung lah...tapi kat mana kita kerja sekali pon, even da old company sekali pon, the culture still like that jugak.
Tadi gi mkn dgn my officemate. She's well read person, although same age but somehow wiser interms of marriage or life in general.After talking to her I feel a bit relieved and comforted about my decision moving to this new company. She leave it to me but advise that maybe I should give it a shot. The wage that the new place is offering me is way higher than what i'm getting now..almost RM1000 the difference. From there, I can set a higher standard for myself in the future. After all, I've reached the age of 30 which other people are quite comfortable in getting their salary past the benchmark of RM3k. If I stay here, chances of moving up the ladder is very low so probably moving away is a good step.
I wish that it's my hubby who would comfort me with these words instead of my girlfriends. He's my soulmate but apparently he's not intune with my emotional needs..I got frustrated with him this morning. Hope that he would at least give me a boost of confidence or soothing words just by saying"...dun worry, things will be okay"but instead he just said in a way that he's not interested to know or simply couldn't care less..didn't even show any initiative to show that he's willing to dig more into this company's past/future background for my sake..i feel unappreciated.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Bagan Lalang - our first little memory together...
Dear diary,
Last weekend hubby, Qistina and me went for a holiday in Bagan Lalang. It's not so far from KL , about 1 and 1/2 hours by car. It's near seaside and we had our opportunity to lavish on the grilled fish or ikan bakar. taste good, fresh seafood but the service is lousy. they had my order mixed up with other customers but never said sorry.never even admitted that they were wrong..hampeshhh....
we stayed at Hotel Seri Malaysia, not a grand hotel, just 2 stars, but heyy...as long as we're together as a family, i'm quite happy with it..
Dipped my baby's small chubby feet in the seawater...hehe...so cute when she grins the moment she saw her feet touched the water...she didn't stop grinning from ear to ear. .She loves to bath of course she loves water. Later we brought her to the hotel's swimming pool, again she jumps with joy with so many water around her...haha...
This is the memory i'm trying to create. ..this is the moment i'm going to treasure for the rest of my life with my small family of my hubby and my baby. Years on, this memory will always stays in our mind...
Last weekend hubby, Qistina and me went for a holiday in Bagan Lalang. It's not so far from KL , about 1 and 1/2 hours by car. It's near seaside and we had our opportunity to lavish on the grilled fish or ikan bakar. taste good, fresh seafood but the service is lousy. they had my order mixed up with other customers but never said sorry.never even admitted that they were wrong..hampeshhh....
we stayed at Hotel Seri Malaysia, not a grand hotel, just 2 stars, but heyy...as long as we're together as a family, i'm quite happy with it..
Dipped my baby's small chubby feet in the seawater...hehe...so cute when she grins the moment she saw her feet touched the water...she didn't stop grinning from ear to ear. .She loves to bath of course she loves water. Later we brought her to the hotel's swimming pool, again she jumps with joy with so many water around her...haha...
This is the memory i'm trying to create. ..this is the moment i'm going to treasure for the rest of my life with my small family of my hubby and my baby. Years on, this memory will always stays in our mind...
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Troubles with Client...F***ed PPK MOE!!
Dear diary,
My new job is interesting...so far...but soemhow i noticed that we're having quite a difficult time in handling this nasty client. They are the government officers who are supposed to approve our work. But they are so corrupted , useless, brainless and theink that they are so good in the subject..i'm dumbfounded at first with their attitude...but now i understand and accept what people think of government officers. They are right..Government officers don't do any work and expect other people to do for them but then complaint about their work. Gosh!!
No wonder Malaysians can't even put their self on par with other developed countries...with this kind of mentality ...
My new job is interesting...so far...but soemhow i noticed that we're having quite a difficult time in handling this nasty client. They are the government officers who are supposed to approve our work. But they are so corrupted , useless, brainless and theink that they are so good in the subject..i'm dumbfounded at first with their attitude...but now i understand and accept what people think of government officers. They are right..Government officers don't do any work and expect other people to do for them but then complaint about their work. Gosh!!
No wonder Malaysians can't even put their self on par with other developed countries...with this kind of mentality ...
Monday, December 25, 2006
Tercipta Untukku
Dear diary,
The day that i die, pls forward this song to my hubby...
Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku
Banyak kata Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
The day that i die, pls forward this song to my hubby...
Menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
Mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku
Banyak kata Yang tak mampu kuungkapkan
Kepada dirimu
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Sepanjang hidupku
Aku ingin engkau slalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Disetiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh ragaku
Ku ingin kau tau
Kuslalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
supposed to blame myself?
Dear diary,
Till today, things hasn't been so great between me n my hubby. It's quite difficult to talk to a person who has a set mind that i'm difficult to be with..huh! can u understand what i'm trying to say here? well, me too..
we hardly talk like we used to...it's usually silence in the car..kinda like old couple..
when we talk, sooner or later there is always a fight, conflict of interest occurs.
so, i assumed it's best to keep my mouth shut than to talk but end up in a fight.
i hate myself for being in this situation again n again n again n again..if not with him, it will be with others. i know it must be me.it must be my attitude. it must be something wrong in me. i admit it. i tried to change ..little by little. but somehow it's not enough for me to be friendly with people around me.i dunno what else to do. maybe my aura around me is totally cleaned,no more aura around me that people can't stand to be with me for long.
it makes me hate myself ..
Till today, things hasn't been so great between me n my hubby. It's quite difficult to talk to a person who has a set mind that i'm difficult to be with..huh! can u understand what i'm trying to say here? well, me too..
we hardly talk like we used to...it's usually silence in the car..kinda like old couple..
when we talk, sooner or later there is always a fight, conflict of interest occurs.
so, i assumed it's best to keep my mouth shut than to talk but end up in a fight.
i hate myself for being in this situation again n again n again n again..if not with him, it will be with others. i know it must be me.it must be my attitude. it must be something wrong in me. i admit it. i tried to change ..little by little. but somehow it's not enough for me to be friendly with people around me.i dunno what else to do. maybe my aura around me is totally cleaned,no more aura around me that people can't stand to be with me for long.
it makes me hate myself ..
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Communication starting to break-down
Dear diary,
Lately, my hubby and I don't talk that much to each other.We're both busy with work and Qistina. We barely look at each other's face now . If not for the baby , we don't communicate or discuss other things.
Very very frustrating..i'm afraid that this will turn bad and i don't want it to happen to us. I love him..every minute of the day..
Maybe this is the phase that all married couple goes thru.But it's how they managed this phase
is important. I want to be an approachable person, a loving wife, a good friend to him in particular..I want to change my attitude and I'm willing to sacrifice and change anything just for him..JUST FOR MY HUBBY!!
Lately, my hubby and I don't talk that much to each other.We're both busy with work and Qistina. We barely look at each other's face now . If not for the baby , we don't communicate or discuss other things.
Very very frustrating..i'm afraid that this will turn bad and i don't want it to happen to us. I love him..every minute of the day..
Maybe this is the phase that all married couple goes thru.But it's how they managed this phase
is important. I want to be an approachable person, a loving wife, a good friend to him in particular..I want to change my attitude and I'm willing to sacrifice and change anything just for him..JUST FOR MY HUBBY!!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Qistina....my cute baby-her story
Dear diary,
my baby Qistina is now 2 month-1-week. how fast time flies..i still remembered her as this small bundle whom i hold in my arms in the hospital. now, she's becoming chubbier and rounder and plump(er) than before. Her cheeks are reddish when she's hungry for milk..her eyes lit up when she sees me picking her up at the babysitter's house..
oh yes, now i have to send her to a babysitter after i started to work at this new place.oh, didn't i tell you how i got this new job at this megan avenue II? well, it's a pretty long story,but to cut it short i started working in this new place after i finished my confinement...
kinda hurry to accept this job offer as i know that my household income is still small but our family needs are getting bigger..
back to my baby, I feel bad have to send her to babysitter house.the first day she was there, i heard her cry.but i have no choice, i gotta be strong and send her there. my heart is pulling me to get her back and stay home with her ..i miss her terribly on the first day i separated from her.now, i'm getting used to it and i believe she's also getting used to stay at the makcik's house.
Qistina have this routine of getting colic every night. kinda make me worry but the doctors keep telling me that it's normal .but the very fact she's suffering of it every night is tugging me that there must be something that i could do to help her. I read in babycenter.com that this condition will pass after she's getting into her 3 months..oh, i hope so..i hope everything would be normal and this thing will pass..
yesterday, she had a very bad colic..non-stop crying for more than 2-3 hours..i'm worried, diary..i helped her in everything i can but still she wouldn't stop crying.kinda frustrating. i feel like i'm not cut out to be good mother,like i'm not well-preapred to be a helping mom to her child,like how i'm imagining how i'm supposed to be..i'm so dissapointed in myself and i guess my hubby is also dissapointed in me for not being able to control my emotion and myself last night. he was at his office to do some work and i really hate to have call him back, but i have to..i really have no choice...in the end Qistina slept at around 3am.that is a bit weird for her to sleep that late..there must be something really wrong or she wouldn't sleep that late.her stomach bloated .i hope that she will be okay today and will see if she's having the same thing today...
oh God, please dun make my fear becomes something bad to her.
my baby Qistina is now 2 month-1-week. how fast time flies..i still remembered her as this small bundle whom i hold in my arms in the hospital. now, she's becoming chubbier and rounder and plump(er) than before. Her cheeks are reddish when she's hungry for milk..her eyes lit up when she sees me picking her up at the babysitter's house..
oh yes, now i have to send her to a babysitter after i started to work at this new place.oh, didn't i tell you how i got this new job at this megan avenue II? well, it's a pretty long story,but to cut it short i started working in this new place after i finished my confinement...
kinda hurry to accept this job offer as i know that my household income is still small but our family needs are getting bigger..
back to my baby, I feel bad have to send her to babysitter house.the first day she was there, i heard her cry.but i have no choice, i gotta be strong and send her there. my heart is pulling me to get her back and stay home with her ..i miss her terribly on the first day i separated from her.now, i'm getting used to it and i believe she's also getting used to stay at the makcik's house.
Qistina have this routine of getting colic every night. kinda make me worry but the doctors keep telling me that it's normal .but the very fact she's suffering of it every night is tugging me that there must be something that i could do to help her. I read in babycenter.com that this condition will pass after she's getting into her 3 months..oh, i hope so..i hope everything would be normal and this thing will pass..
yesterday, she had a very bad colic..non-stop crying for more than 2-3 hours..i'm worried, diary..i helped her in everything i can but still she wouldn't stop crying.kinda frustrating. i feel like i'm not cut out to be good mother,like i'm not well-preapred to be a helping mom to her child,like how i'm imagining how i'm supposed to be..i'm so dissapointed in myself and i guess my hubby is also dissapointed in me for not being able to control my emotion and myself last night. he was at his office to do some work and i really hate to have call him back, but i have to..i really have no choice...in the end Qistina slept at around 3am.that is a bit weird for her to sleep that late..there must be something really wrong or she wouldn't sleep that late.her stomach bloated .i hope that she will be okay today and will see if she's having the same thing today...
oh God, please dun make my fear becomes something bad to her.
Monday, September 11, 2006
omedetoo
Dear diary,
i have to "congratulate" myself for successfully making my husband gettin sick of my attitude. great...sigh...the only person that I cared about in this world has now turned his back on me..now, i just hate myself more than ever before.
this is not what i want in my life.i dun need anymore controversy or people hating me at this moment. i just need more people loving me at this moment.
i have to "congratulate" myself for successfully making my husband gettin sick of my attitude. great...sigh...the only person that I cared about in this world has now turned his back on me..now, i just hate myself more than ever before.
this is not what i want in my life.i dun need anymore controversy or people hating me at this moment. i just need more people loving me at this moment.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Being Pregnant
Dear diary,
I had 2 days MC for not being able to walk properly these past few days. My lower abdomen was in pain. I think the reason being that I had exhaust myself doing chores and attending to my auntie's need who came stayed my house. Whew..it was painful
I had 2 days MC for not being able to walk properly these past few days. My lower abdomen was in pain. I think the reason being that I had exhaust myself doing chores and attending to my auntie's need who came stayed my house. Whew..it was painful
Monday, June 19, 2006
Sickly words can wound a heart
Dear diary,
I have always had a problem with one of my sisters. She likes to pick on every fault i make and make it a big deal by telling the whole world about it. To make a matter worse, she will tell all the other sisters of all the bad things and make it everything all right for her to say it without feeling any guilt. She never cares how I feel..i'm not the little sister that she used to bully..hell, I'm married and pregnant with my 1st child.I'm grown up, for heaven's sake!!
recently, she made a big deal of how irresponsible i've been by not keeping back the stuff that i borrowed from the other sister. and she included on how i should treat my other sister for dinner for helping me, be nice to her more...c'mon man..was she there when i brought food to the other sister? was she there when i helped clean dad's room that she complained i never helped? was she there when i treat the others to breakfast the other day? she was never there but making sucha f****** deal out of it that i didn't contribute anything to the family.
i just had enough of her..no more..before this i tried to forget the hurtful things that she said or do..but not anymore..
i refused to see her that often after this. maybe it's about time i see seldom of her after this...
i refused to let her hurt my feelings anymore.
I have always had a problem with one of my sisters. She likes to pick on every fault i make and make it a big deal by telling the whole world about it. To make a matter worse, she will tell all the other sisters of all the bad things and make it everything all right for her to say it without feeling any guilt. She never cares how I feel..i'm not the little sister that she used to bully..hell, I'm married and pregnant with my 1st child.I'm grown up, for heaven's sake!!
recently, she made a big deal of how irresponsible i've been by not keeping back the stuff that i borrowed from the other sister. and she included on how i should treat my other sister for dinner for helping me, be nice to her more...c'mon man..was she there when i brought food to the other sister? was she there when i helped clean dad's room that she complained i never helped? was she there when i treat the others to breakfast the other day? she was never there but making sucha f****** deal out of it that i didn't contribute anything to the family.
i just had enough of her..no more..before this i tried to forget the hurtful things that she said or do..but not anymore..
i refused to see her that often after this. maybe it's about time i see seldom of her after this...
i refused to let her hurt my feelings anymore.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
My boring weekend
Dear diary,
My hubby went back to Kedah, his hometown, for his cousin's wedding. So, gotta park myself at my dad's place. Kinda boring coz nothing much to do at home. My hubby was buzy there helping the groom's place get ready for the reception while i was stuck at home with nothing much to do.
Except for the breakfast time, my sis + dad and I went to CoffeeBean to have our breakfast there. I paid for the bills that amounted to RM40.22...pheww...quite expensive for a breakfast.but never mind lah, once in a while...after all these times it has always been my dad who forked out the money.now, it's time i pay hime back in the form of breakfast meal.
My hubby went back to Kedah, his hometown, for his cousin's wedding. So, gotta park myself at my dad's place. Kinda boring coz nothing much to do at home. My hubby was buzy there helping the groom's place get ready for the reception while i was stuck at home with nothing much to do.
Except for the breakfast time, my sis + dad and I went to CoffeeBean to have our breakfast there. I paid for the bills that amounted to RM40.22...pheww...quite expensive for a breakfast.but never mind lah, once in a while...after all these times it has always been my dad who forked out the money.now, it's time i pay hime back in the form of breakfast meal.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
The Staff Meeting
Dear diary,
I'm bored with this work place already. This morning the boss wanted to have a staff meeting, talk about office,work , tardiness , where is the future heading us..bla..bla..
but the thing is his blabbering is veryyy irritating,something like an old woman or old bat. Not that pleasant to listen to...sigh...
I'm bored with this work place already. This morning the boss wanted to have a staff meeting, talk about office,work , tardiness , where is the future heading us..bla..bla..
but the thing is his blabbering is veryyy irritating,something like an old woman or old bat. Not that pleasant to listen to...sigh...
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