My last day at CSSB..n here r my team mate.. gonna miss them

Tetiba rasa give-up..

Dear diary,
semlm MC sbb rasa pening yang amat sangat. Doc kata aku migrain. I think so too, a lot of stress lately...Too many things on my mind..
Hmmm...bila fikir2 balik nape la aku stress sgt.Selalunya stress bila benda2 di sekeliling kita yg buatkan kita stress.Tapi dok kat KL ni je pon dah mmg mengundang stress...
I guess my stress lately came deep within me. I feel a sense of give-up.I don't know to what but I just given up hope on something..or maybe everything..I dah malas nak cakap, dah malas nak berinteraksi, dah malas nak wat ape2..aku rasa cam something died within me but I don't know what..Semlm I hardly talk to my hubby. I guess something within me blaming him for something but I couldn't put my fingers on it. I didn't want to think much of it but when I couldn't sleep last night my mind wandered..on it's own..
Somehow, I suddenly think that I put blames on him on my unhappiness, which is bad, which is totally bad, unaprreciative and ungrateful of me...But my mind wandered again to just think for while what strted it, or what triggered this feeling to come.Then, I realized that I've given up hope on 2 things that is really really important to me but not to him.
One , vacation.
Two, labu Sayong business.
Yes, those two things made me give up on him. FYI diary, I'm the type who hates to push or press on people to do something. I've actually talked nicely to him,begged and even cried to make him bring me to somewhere nice for a vacation...just the two of us ( I tak pernah pegi lagi honeymoon yg betul2 since we got married...sedih kan..) but the idea never crossed his mind to bring me...well now, I give up...I don't want to talk about this issue anymore with him.
Issue number two, the labu Sayong project. I've saved and invested my savings to buy the labu Sayong to do business here, it was his idea in the first place. So, aritu kitaorg balik Kuala Kangsar, beli banyak2 lampu tidur tapi yg tak berpasang soketnya sbb die kata nak jimat duit nak buat sendiri bila blk KL nnt.Ok then i said, believing that he will do on his own will bila blk KL. Sudah-sudah dekat nak 2 bln lebih baru die start nak bukak kotak labu Sayong yg beli 2 bln dulu. Itupun bila dah puas merajuk, try nak wat sendiri, sampai menangis nak mintak tlg die sambungkan soket tu ke lampu tidur.In the end, bila die dgn rasa tak puas ati sbb aku paksa die buat siapkan lampu2 tidur tu, cepat2 aku sendiri angkut kotak2 berat tu ke showroom..all by myself, naik turun umah dekat 10kali ,nak angkut turun kotak2 tu ke kereta. I asked for his help tapi again...die kata tunggu...tunggu..tapi aku decide, no more asking for help from someone who doesn't want to help, I did it on my own..so, there again, I give up..terus terang aku ckp kt die, lepas ni kita tak yah sambung lagi business labu Sayong. Aku dah malas nak paksa2 org buat sesuatu. Sekali dua mintak tlg cara baik tapi org wat tak layan, well it's time to give up on that..I hate forcing people to do something that they dun want to do . If until today he still doesn't undertand that criteria or prinsip is in me well I give up hope on telling him ..

takde mood nak tulis..

Dear diary,
arini nak tulis pon tadek mood...tapi ntah rasa cam gatal nak taip je...so...dah taip dah..babaii